Beast of burden

For the first time today I had to give someone narcan. Never administered it before, haven't been formally trained in it. But, I suppose, we all must start somewhere. I was sitting in my office and one of my co-workers calls the front desk and asked me to come out and assist. Honestly thought it was just a drill. But when I saw that person sitting on the bench by our parking lot, slumped forward, then sitting back up, then slumped forward again, I knew it wasn't a drill. 

When my roommate and I used to work together she got to experience me firsthand and my response to a crisis with one of my patients. She asked me how I knew what to do. Honestly, I really don't know the answer. It's like this dormant switch that is lodged in the back of my brain, and when needed it just kicks on. A lot of the time it's just pure instinct, but it's just my reminder that I was trained for this. There's a part of me that momentarily panics inside before that switch turns on and you just have to remember your training. You tell yourself "oh yeah, I know what to do." And then your mind changes to "oh my goodness, this is another human being I'm temporarily responsible for." 

The reality is that no amount of training from school or any job truly prepares you for how surreal that moment (or those moments) is. That even if in the briefest moment at any one time, you are responsible for someone else's life. It's a tremendous burden but also a tremendous privilege. And putting aside one's opinions and thoughts on addictions, it's another human being. We don't know their story. All the more reason to just be kind.