The ups, the downs and knowing what you know
It's fair to say the last few weeks have been rather challenging.
When you're faced with your foibles (or at least foibles of your mind in the sense you assume you're responsible for aformentioned foible) over, and over, and over, and over again, it tends to become taxing on one's nerves. Let's just say there's been a lot of tears these last few weeks. A lot of self doubt. A lot of fear. A lot of that voice in your head that sometimes screams "you're not good enough." "You screwed up." "You'll never get over this." I distinctly remember a panicky/melty down phone call to my sister, near hysterics at some points. She's so freaking amazing, just throwing that out there. She told me "so, you know what you know now, so it's best to just move forward." She's right, as usual. She talked me off of so many proverbial ledges through college and my other nursing jobs. On top of all of this there's the PPE. So much PPE with nowadays me in full suits that resemble wearing a tarp. Listen, I'm very grateful I have sufficient amounts of what I need. But have you all worn it before, even for just a minute? It's hot, it's uncomfortable and for the first time recently it felt as if the "you're the only one who gets the hazard pay" was sort of thrown in my face as if there was resentment. I hate that I'm the only one who gets it. I think everyone in my office should. Listen, sometimes...I don't want it. I hate wearing all that stuff! And to those of you who wear it for 12 hours on a regular basis, thank you. I don't know how you do it. I couldn't.
But then again, I probably could do it, if I had no choice. Because it's my job. Somebody has to do the hazardous work. And it might as well be me. Does it mean that we don't deserve what we truly need to protect ourselves because "we signed up for this?" NO. All the while we still really have no idea when things will be "normal" again. Some things and businesses have re opened this week, with more planning to be opening next week. All good things (and bad things) pass with time, so it's only a matter of time really. So I'm trying to be patient and take things as they come. The only way to go is forward.
When you're faced with your foibles (or at least foibles of your mind in the sense you assume you're responsible for aformentioned foible) over, and over, and over, and over again, it tends to become taxing on one's nerves. Let's just say there's been a lot of tears these last few weeks. A lot of self doubt. A lot of fear. A lot of that voice in your head that sometimes screams "you're not good enough." "You screwed up." "You'll never get over this." I distinctly remember a panicky/melty down phone call to my sister, near hysterics at some points. She's so freaking amazing, just throwing that out there. She told me "so, you know what you know now, so it's best to just move forward." She's right, as usual. She talked me off of so many proverbial ledges through college and my other nursing jobs. On top of all of this there's the PPE. So much PPE with nowadays me in full suits that resemble wearing a tarp. Listen, I'm very grateful I have sufficient amounts of what I need. But have you all worn it before, even for just a minute? It's hot, it's uncomfortable and for the first time recently it felt as if the "you're the only one who gets the hazard pay" was sort of thrown in my face as if there was resentment. I hate that I'm the only one who gets it. I think everyone in my office should. Listen, sometimes...I don't want it. I hate wearing all that stuff! And to those of you who wear it for 12 hours on a regular basis, thank you. I don't know how you do it. I couldn't.
But then again, I probably could do it, if I had no choice. Because it's my job. Somebody has to do the hazardous work. And it might as well be me. Does it mean that we don't deserve what we truly need to protect ourselves because "we signed up for this?" NO. All the while we still really have no idea when things will be "normal" again. Some things and businesses have re opened this week, with more planning to be opening next week. All good things (and bad things) pass with time, so it's only a matter of time really. So I'm trying to be patient and take things as they come. The only way to go is forward.
 |
| I'll be happy when I get to ditch these!!! |
Comments
Post a Comment
Questions, comments and concerns are always welcome, so long as they are pertinent to the content of the post, aren't rude or offensive. Thank you for reading and being respectful in sharing your thoughts! :)