When you know

Sometimes, the inevitable is just...inevitable. You see those subtle signs that things are going south. You see the writing on the wall. You're constantly walking on eggshells around everyone. You don't know what to report to management or not, for fear of becoming "that person." Either that or there's that constant lingering fear of retaliation for just trying to do the right thing. This has been a reality for me for the past few months, probably since around the new year. I don't eat much at work anymore. Some nights I haven't been sleeping well. I come home utterly exhausted, physically and mentally. Not to mention our patients are getting either sicker or more violent. I can't handle the stress anymore. I don't enjoy the job anymore. Depending on who I work with, sometimes I dread coming in. So that's when I knew. That's how I know that it's time to move on. So that's what I'm doing.

I'm taking the new job. I already did. I was offered it recently and I accepted.

Time to move on.

This was a really tough decision for me. It's been even tougher as I've started to reveal to some of my co-workers my decision. There have been some tears already, but a lot of understanding. There's also been some not knowing, some unawareness of what has been going on, just because I didn't want there to be that awareness. My job is difficult enough as it is, and with the increasing difficulty of some of my co-workers, something has to give. Either they do or I do. So I did.

I'll be starting my new job soon, probably in a couple of weeks. I'm ready to do this. I'm very saddened that this is what the reality is. But I have to do what's best. I can't stay in a job that's slowly turning me into someone I'm not or don't want to be. I'm looking forward to the change though. It'll be a challenge and a totally new area of nursing that I am not familiar with. But the change will be good for me. Change isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it's just necessary.