Close to home
Someone I know is going through a really tough time right now. I'm still trying to process it all and just figure out where to proceed next. Wrestling with what's appropriate, what isn't and just how I can be there. Meanwhile I've been shouldering some of my own things, too; ongoing problems with my foot, how to be a more open friend, car stuff. Again, I'm finding myself in this holding pattern of just wondering what the next steps are.
Needless to say, it's been a pretty tough month so far.
I'm not going to quit my job. I'm not fired. I'm not in any sort of trouble with my job, the law or anything else. I'm not getting thrown out of my apartment. My family's ok. But....things have been sort of up and down, and I've developed this habit where I put other's needs instead of my own. But I need to be a little bit more selfish right now; being more open with what I need from those around me. This is going to be really hard for me, but it's something I need to do right now. Right now I'm emotionally all over the place. I feel like I'm going to break down at any second. My hands haven't stopped shaking since about 11:30 this morning. I haven't had an appetite; I'm basically forcing myself to eat lunch as I write this. I can't really focus my attention on anything else right now. I kind of feel like I'm on autopilot. I'm not blaming myself, but I can't help but wonder if there was more I could have said.
Seeing all of this written out has made it more real, and I think I'm starting to get a handle of what the other side of the fence is like. It feels rather overwhelming. I just don't want to let this person down. I want to be there, but I don't know how. I do think though this experience when things start to work out again that it will help me better care for my patients. I suppose that's the good thing that will come out of this. And I'm going to pray; pray for this situation, this person, a good outcome, that they'll get the help they need, that others will be respectful, that we'll all just help each other out and not tear each other down. There's enough junk going on in the world, and we're all carrying our own junk too. So check in on your friends. Let your loved ones know you appreciate them. Smile at a stranger, because you just never know.
Needless to say, it's been a pretty tough month so far.
I'm not going to quit my job. I'm not fired. I'm not in any sort of trouble with my job, the law or anything else. I'm not getting thrown out of my apartment. My family's ok. But....things have been sort of up and down, and I've developed this habit where I put other's needs instead of my own. But I need to be a little bit more selfish right now; being more open with what I need from those around me. This is going to be really hard for me, but it's something I need to do right now. Right now I'm emotionally all over the place. I feel like I'm going to break down at any second. My hands haven't stopped shaking since about 11:30 this morning. I haven't had an appetite; I'm basically forcing myself to eat lunch as I write this. I can't really focus my attention on anything else right now. I kind of feel like I'm on autopilot. I'm not blaming myself, but I can't help but wonder if there was more I could have said.
Seeing all of this written out has made it more real, and I think I'm starting to get a handle of what the other side of the fence is like. It feels rather overwhelming. I just don't want to let this person down. I want to be there, but I don't know how. I do think though this experience when things start to work out again that it will help me better care for my patients. I suppose that's the good thing that will come out of this. And I'm going to pray; pray for this situation, this person, a good outcome, that they'll get the help they need, that others will be respectful, that we'll all just help each other out and not tear each other down. There's enough junk going on in the world, and we're all carrying our own junk too. So check in on your friends. Let your loved ones know you appreciate them. Smile at a stranger, because you just never know.
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