Challenge accepted

Much like my relationship with Christ, in my career as a nurse I am seeking out ways to try and build it up and improve. But lately, things have been...snitchy. That's the word I'm going to use. It seems like no matter where I've ended up, there have been those who whether or not it's intentional, but it seems there's this hell bentness to break spirits. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that nobody's perfect; we're there to help each other and quite frankly, my job is stressful enough as it is. And lately with the ever present eyes of big brother watching, it seems like it's harder to do just that...my job. The questions run through your mind in every move; is this the right thing? The wrong thing? Who's looking over my shoulder? No matter what, regardless of how it may look, I always try to do the right thing.

You know what the really sad thing is? These eyes in the sky aren't from administration or management.

I was told not too long ago about some things I know I need to work on, or at least I knew deep down and was in the forefront of my mind trying to bring forward to my subconscious. Anyway, but I was told after a gentle reprimand "Kelly, you're one of my best nurses." For the rest of the day I thought about that....even still today I find myself thinking about it. I've never stood out; I've always been in with the crowd. I was never the popular kid in school. I was usually the first one out in gym class. Heck, I was bullied in elementary and high school. So to hear that I was categorized as "one of the best," well, let's just say, I spent some time thinking about what I can do to better myself. And these things, well....just this thing, that I need to work on, I can do that. It's a fixable thing, a VERY fixable thing. So what does that mean for me?

It's time to step up my game just a little bit. Even if that means being a little bolder. Even if that means not overlooking the little things. Even if that means staying in the med room while everyone else is in the nurse's station. Even if that means biting my tongue when I want to scream at the system, the computers or the double standards. Something I've always prayed (probably why I'm still single) is that I pray for God to make the best me that I can be for someone else. I am so determined to make 2019 the best me. 2020, a little bit more. And so on...and so forth...