Alongside
This weekend, I'll be traveling back to Kentucky for my college's homecoming. On Saturday, I'll be taking my 5 year old class photo. 5 years ago, yet I remember the day like it was yesterday. Sometimes I still wonder how I ended up here. Other times I'm dumbfounded that I ended up here. Yet even on the worst days, I can't imagine doing anything else with my life.
I've been living with a friend for almost 2 months now and she's starting the beginning steps of nursing school. She's in A&P and Chemistry right now and as I've been helping her study, I realize I've forgotten so much, yet have remembered much as well. I see so much of her in me it's uncanny, yet she's doing much better than when I did. She has a lot of the same self-doubt I exhibited, even still to this day. Even though I'm not forthcoming about it, I still really struggle with my self-confidence as a nurse. I still live in this looming whatever that one day, the rug is going to be yanked out from under me. I don't know why I think the way I do. Maybe it's because I'm still very afraid that I'm doing all the "right" things and I'm going to seriously harm someone, or worse. Maybe that's a good thing. It sure as heck has made me a very diligent person. Yet it's those little things that still come back to haunt me, those "you should know that" moments. I can still hear my clinical instructors telling me that when I left the cap off an IV medication. "Kelly, you're a junior. You should know not to do that." It's embarrassing really, and the God honest truth is that sometimes I just overlook the little things.
This has been happening more frequently at my per diem job. At my regular job, I'm familiar with the ins and the outs. I know what to look for and when to look for the unusual. But here, this is a whole new arena of nursing I have never been exposed to. A few times in nursing school, but that's about it. And that my friends, was a LONG time ago. So what does that make me? Incompetent? Not cut out for this? I don't know. I think I've been so used to thinking about people's minds that I've forgotten the whole of the person. And that's what I'm trying to tell my roommate as she continues her endeavors in nursing school. That and always jump in to help your team, even if you have lots to do too. It speaks volume about one's character when you step up and aren't just operating as an island. One thing is for certain; I don't want to quit yet. I want to at least say that I tried. There's a whole world out there that I haven't even seen and I want to try different flavors of the candy. We'll see.
I've been living with a friend for almost 2 months now and she's starting the beginning steps of nursing school. She's in A&P and Chemistry right now and as I've been helping her study, I realize I've forgotten so much, yet have remembered much as well. I see so much of her in me it's uncanny, yet she's doing much better than when I did. She has a lot of the same self-doubt I exhibited, even still to this day. Even though I'm not forthcoming about it, I still really struggle with my self-confidence as a nurse. I still live in this looming whatever that one day, the rug is going to be yanked out from under me. I don't know why I think the way I do. Maybe it's because I'm still very afraid that I'm doing all the "right" things and I'm going to seriously harm someone, or worse. Maybe that's a good thing. It sure as heck has made me a very diligent person. Yet it's those little things that still come back to haunt me, those "you should know that" moments. I can still hear my clinical instructors telling me that when I left the cap off an IV medication. "Kelly, you're a junior. You should know not to do that." It's embarrassing really, and the God honest truth is that sometimes I just overlook the little things.
This has been happening more frequently at my per diem job. At my regular job, I'm familiar with the ins and the outs. I know what to look for and when to look for the unusual. But here, this is a whole new arena of nursing I have never been exposed to. A few times in nursing school, but that's about it. And that my friends, was a LONG time ago. So what does that make me? Incompetent? Not cut out for this? I don't know. I think I've been so used to thinking about people's minds that I've forgotten the whole of the person. And that's what I'm trying to tell my roommate as she continues her endeavors in nursing school. That and always jump in to help your team, even if you have lots to do too. It speaks volume about one's character when you step up and aren't just operating as an island. One thing is for certain; I don't want to quit yet. I want to at least say that I tried. There's a whole world out there that I haven't even seen and I want to try different flavors of the candy. We'll see.
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