The disaster movie mind

I found myself not too long ago, sitting in the midst of a patient's continuous banging into the doors, into the walls and into the plexi-glass portion of the nurse's station, hearing various conversations and phones ringing every few seconds and watching several admins, nurses and other staff conversing about what was going on and what they were going to do about it. All the while, I was looking after the rest of the unit (basically on my own), hearing and seeing all of this going on, yet still able to do my work despite the noise. In the midst of the chaos, I was actually able to pause briefly and allow myself a moment of reflection; I felt like I was in a disaster movie. But then of course, like in all of the disaster movies, as soon as the chaos escalated, it dissipated, and it was business as usual. Then another day in the same week, the fire alarms went off and myself, a few other staff and the 40+ patients from all of the units were crowded down in the gym for about an hour while the police and the fire department came and put the fire out. The source of the fire was a blown AC fan, luckily off the unit and nowhere near patient care areas. No one was hurt, but let's just say there were a few squirrely folks who were not too happy with the current circumstances. Not to mention that in the past few days there had been an increase in the number of patient fights, some resulting in broken noses and a few black eyes. I distinctly remember walking out of work, wondering "what the heck just happened?!"

At least we got some pizza and ice cream out of all of it.

Have you ever worked a few days in a row or a weekend and it just seemed to give you whiplash? Geesh. You know, I haven't been in this field for very long, but I can pinpoint that there was one particular day that seriously felt like the worst day ever. And after speaking with a few staff member on that same day, it seemed that that was the general consensus; a very out of the ordinary day in which it isn't normally like so. I think it was the full moon! Let me tell you, as I put on Twitter, anyone who discredits the fact that full moons do not affect people in any way, I will fight you. It is totally a thing! But in the midst of the chaos, there were quite a few take-home moments; I was able to have some really meaningful conversations with a few folks, and some of them told me I was "the best nurse" and was helpful during the conversations we had. It's those little things that remind me why I do what I do, and though I may not love every moment of it, it's those little things that keep me coming back day after day.

A few weeks ago, I was watching the season finale of one of my favorite shows, and there was such a powerful quote (which I've sense posted on the home page of my blog now; you will find it on the far right side of the page) that stuck with me. Prior to that, I remember talking to some co-workers about maybe considering a change in the field, once I get some ongoing foot/ankle issues resolved. I had considered going into OR nursing, which I thoroughly enjoyed while I was in nursing school, but because of this ongoing foot/ankle pain it would be extremely difficult for me to be on my feet for very long periods of time. Anyway, but after that quote was spoken on the show, I remember saying it out loud; "God, I think you want me to stay right where I am." So I am. And I will, as long as I am physically and mentally able to do so. And He blessed me with those really meaningful conversations, I think to remind me of the greater calling that has been sometimes distorted and tucked away in the midst of dealing with chaos. So I'm going to move forward, wherever the road of psych nursing takes me!