No easy answer
Be warned, folks. If the following post brings up some painful experiences/memories, I caution one of two things: either do not read this or speak to someone to help you process whatever you may be going through or have gone through.
Today, I'm going to talk about suicide.
My thoughts stem from a friend who used to work with me, who today wrote a beautiful lament about a friend of his who quite recently took his own life. Before I continue even further, I want to share my own thoughts about suicide; I believe that it is a cry for help. I believe that suicide is an outward verbalization of some underlying belief, emotion, fear or experience that we may or may not understand. Then again, I've also seen it used as a bargaining chip, having worked with individuals who struggle with certain personality disorders, or with young adults and adolescents. How many of us who have worked in psych have heard a patient challenge us "If I don't get this, then I'm going to kill myself," or "if something doesn't go my way, I'm going to kill myself." I'm just going to throw this out there right now; yes, I have read patient's names in the obituaries. And let me just add additionally that there was a written cause for some of their deaths, there often times were not, so I'll just let your mind wander. And if my speculations were correct, I never saw it coming. Never would have guessed in a million years they would do such a thing.
They were always the folks that despite being on "the psych ward," they were laughing with other patients, they usually had a smile on their face and would greet you and ask you how you were doing. Not always though. Some were withdrawn, shut out from the rest of the milieu, minimally engaged with anyone. But all of our patients go home eventually, then what? I can't tell you what goes on in their minds once they leave; once they leave they're no longer our responsibility. All we can hope is that they utilize the tools they have learned and we wish them well. We have a lot of happy endings, but sometimes we don't.
I've heard a garden variety of opinions in regards to suicide. Some say it's "selfish," others say it's "cowardly." When people are asked about suicide, a lot of times it creates a feeling of anger. Other times, it makes people feel guilty; perhaps they were aware of a person's changes or lack of changes and just didn't know what to do. What do I think? I don't think it's selfish, I don't think it's cowardly. I think it's sad. I just think it's very sad; I wonder what on earth they are wrestling with in their own minds that prompt them to believe taking their own life is the answer? Yes, I've been in serious funks before. I've had very dark days, but never once. But I'm not like the rest of the world or other folks; our minds are all wired very differently. It's both a blessing and a curse
So what is my point to all of this? Be aware, I guess. What are your thoughts? What would you do if someone you knew told you they were feeling suicidal? Would you judge them? No. You would love them, protect them and make sure they were safe. Because I'm going to say this right now, when I've had patients come up to me and tell me they want to hurt themselves or end their lives, the last thing they are seeking is judgment. They are seeking help. Be kind. Always be kind, because I've said it before but I believe it bears repeating; we never know what anyone at any certain time is going through. A smile may save a life, I truly believe that. If you look on my blog, under Resources, I've posted the National Suicide Hotline. Save it, keep it. You never know. You just never know.
Today, I'm going to talk about suicide.
My thoughts stem from a friend who used to work with me, who today wrote a beautiful lament about a friend of his who quite recently took his own life. Before I continue even further, I want to share my own thoughts about suicide; I believe that it is a cry for help. I believe that suicide is an outward verbalization of some underlying belief, emotion, fear or experience that we may or may not understand. Then again, I've also seen it used as a bargaining chip, having worked with individuals who struggle with certain personality disorders, or with young adults and adolescents. How many of us who have worked in psych have heard a patient challenge us "If I don't get this, then I'm going to kill myself," or "if something doesn't go my way, I'm going to kill myself." I'm just going to throw this out there right now; yes, I have read patient's names in the obituaries. And let me just add additionally that there was a written cause for some of their deaths, there often times were not, so I'll just let your mind wander. And if my speculations were correct, I never saw it coming. Never would have guessed in a million years they would do such a thing.
They were always the folks that despite being on "the psych ward," they were laughing with other patients, they usually had a smile on their face and would greet you and ask you how you were doing. Not always though. Some were withdrawn, shut out from the rest of the milieu, minimally engaged with anyone. But all of our patients go home eventually, then what? I can't tell you what goes on in their minds once they leave; once they leave they're no longer our responsibility. All we can hope is that they utilize the tools they have learned and we wish them well. We have a lot of happy endings, but sometimes we don't.
I've heard a garden variety of opinions in regards to suicide. Some say it's "selfish," others say it's "cowardly." When people are asked about suicide, a lot of times it creates a feeling of anger. Other times, it makes people feel guilty; perhaps they were aware of a person's changes or lack of changes and just didn't know what to do. What do I think? I don't think it's selfish, I don't think it's cowardly. I think it's sad. I just think it's very sad; I wonder what on earth they are wrestling with in their own minds that prompt them to believe taking their own life is the answer? Yes, I've been in serious funks before. I've had very dark days, but never once. But I'm not like the rest of the world or other folks; our minds are all wired very differently. It's both a blessing and a curse
So what is my point to all of this? Be aware, I guess. What are your thoughts? What would you do if someone you knew told you they were feeling suicidal? Would you judge them? No. You would love them, protect them and make sure they were safe. Because I'm going to say this right now, when I've had patients come up to me and tell me they want to hurt themselves or end their lives, the last thing they are seeking is judgment. They are seeking help. Be kind. Always be kind, because I've said it before but I believe it bears repeating; we never know what anyone at any certain time is going through. A smile may save a life, I truly believe that. If you look on my blog, under Resources, I've posted the National Suicide Hotline. Save it, keep it. You never know. You just never know.
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