More to this life
As I look ahead to wrapping up my final week here in Ashland, I'm finding my mind wandering round and round to a thought I've had since yesterday. I was watching a sermon from my church and the title of it was "Planting Seeds of Faith." One of the questions asked was what sort of seeds are you planting in those around you? I legitimately struggled with trying to formulate a response, but I'm not really sure what sort of seeds I'm planting. This thought then stuck with me and I proceeded to write four pages in my journal, excerpts of my thoughts will be as follows.
One of the things I've struggled with with basically my entire life is this internal desire to just fit in with those around me. I wasn't the popular kid in school, quite the contrary, and I was bullied sporadically throughout my years in school, even up until high school. When I studied abroad in Scotland, I was surrounded by five roommates who lived, breathed, ate and slept party party party. They just looked like they were having so much fun, and though it was tempting to join into their shenanigans, there was a piece of me that said "just stop and think about this for a minute." This past week at work, and...well, really ever since I've been here, it seems like our co-worker conversations seem to revolve around relationships, finding relationships, dating sites, multiple dates at once, and...alcohol, bars and partying. I remember in one particular a conversation about bar hopping and drinking, that sort of thing, and I remember distinctly saying "you know, that doesn't really sound very fun to me." And do you know what my response was? "Oh, I was 'like you' when I was your age. That'll change."
Will it really? Is that all there is to this life? A relationship, drinking, talking about getting drunk and wondering when the next hook up is going to be?
Not for me, sorry. I've never really been a fan of that sort of lifestyle, but hey, I'm not going to judge. I'm not here on this earth to judge. I'm going to leave that responsibility up to Jesus, and in the meantime I'm going to do my best to live my life for Him and like Him. But in regards to that same conversation, another co worker made a remark something to the degree of "hey, you've been here for a while and we haven't corrupted you yet." Well, that "yet" is never going to happen, but I realized yesterday, the reason why that "yet" has yet to occur is because I think for the first time in my life, I've lost the internal desire to want to fit in, and the idea of fitting in to those around me, especially here, just doesn't sit too well with me. Hey, don't get me wrong, I love these people dearly, but it seems to me that the underlying reasons for all of this is because they want something in their life to change, so they're trying to find that change. I'm not. God has created me in His image for a reason, and it's not my intention to go out and change that myself; my responsibility is to take away that key and let Him change me when He feels it is necessary.
Ok, so I've realized this post has absolutely nothing to do with anything nurse related, but I think I'm allowed to go down a different rabbit hole every now and then. I'm still awaiting on where my next adventure is going to be. I turned down an offer I received in Montana; too cold and a little too far away right now. But for now, I'm awaiting responses from a few places in Virginia, one in Delaware, one in Colorado (close to a friend of mine), one in Ohio (close to my parents!!!) and Louisville! I'm hoping to hear something really soon, and I've gotten a few nibbles so far, but nothing locked in yet. It's going to be a difficult week, but I think I'm ready for a new adventure.
One of the things I've struggled with with basically my entire life is this internal desire to just fit in with those around me. I wasn't the popular kid in school, quite the contrary, and I was bullied sporadically throughout my years in school, even up until high school. When I studied abroad in Scotland, I was surrounded by five roommates who lived, breathed, ate and slept party party party. They just looked like they were having so much fun, and though it was tempting to join into their shenanigans, there was a piece of me that said "just stop and think about this for a minute." This past week at work, and...well, really ever since I've been here, it seems like our co-worker conversations seem to revolve around relationships, finding relationships, dating sites, multiple dates at once, and...alcohol, bars and partying. I remember in one particular a conversation about bar hopping and drinking, that sort of thing, and I remember distinctly saying "you know, that doesn't really sound very fun to me." And do you know what my response was? "Oh, I was 'like you' when I was your age. That'll change."
Will it really? Is that all there is to this life? A relationship, drinking, talking about getting drunk and wondering when the next hook up is going to be?
Not for me, sorry. I've never really been a fan of that sort of lifestyle, but hey, I'm not going to judge. I'm not here on this earth to judge. I'm going to leave that responsibility up to Jesus, and in the meantime I'm going to do my best to live my life for Him and like Him. But in regards to that same conversation, another co worker made a remark something to the degree of "hey, you've been here for a while and we haven't corrupted you yet." Well, that "yet" is never going to happen, but I realized yesterday, the reason why that "yet" has yet to occur is because I think for the first time in my life, I've lost the internal desire to want to fit in, and the idea of fitting in to those around me, especially here, just doesn't sit too well with me. Hey, don't get me wrong, I love these people dearly, but it seems to me that the underlying reasons for all of this is because they want something in their life to change, so they're trying to find that change. I'm not. God has created me in His image for a reason, and it's not my intention to go out and change that myself; my responsibility is to take away that key and let Him change me when He feels it is necessary.
Ok, so I've realized this post has absolutely nothing to do with anything nurse related, but I think I'm allowed to go down a different rabbit hole every now and then. I'm still awaiting on where my next adventure is going to be. I turned down an offer I received in Montana; too cold and a little too far away right now. But for now, I'm awaiting responses from a few places in Virginia, one in Delaware, one in Colorado (close to a friend of mine), one in Ohio (close to my parents!!!) and Louisville! I'm hoping to hear something really soon, and I've gotten a few nibbles so far, but nothing locked in yet. It's going to be a difficult week, but I think I'm ready for a new adventure.
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