Spinning my wheels
The clientele I have worked with over the last 3 years have come forth with some very interesting, sad, gut wrenching and most unimaginable circumstances. Victims of such awful circumstances that no human being on earth should ever have to go through. When I was in nursing school, I had envisioned that everyone who was there was there because they of course needed help, but also wanted help. They wanted to get well, return to their lives as normally as they possibly could and make good decisions to help better themselves along the way. Sadly, I have come to realize that this is not always the case. It didn't take me long at all not only as a nursing student but as a practicing nurse that this is rarely the case.
Some of the patients I have encountered are basically where I work, for a lack of a better word, to hide out. They're hiding out from going to jail, hiding out from the court system, hiding out from paying child support or other legal costs, hiding out from their PO's, hiding out because they've literally lost everything, or hiding out because they're homeless and have nowhere to call home. The DSM-V has a diagnosis for this, malingering, and it is one of the saddest processes of disordered thinking I have ever worked with. Because that's all I know how to feel when I encounter individuals as such. All weekend long, I was thinking to myself; if I was ever in a place in my life where I was seeking solace in a psychiatric hospital, I would be doing some serious self-inventorying. I would be on my knees at every moment of free time I had, begging for God to change these circumstances I was in. That's normally not what I witness at all; on the contrary actually. In fact, some of these folks I've encountered seem perfectly contented to stay where I work for days, even weeks, without making any real concrete effort to change their circumstances. It just goes to show you though that even though I find myself frustrated with this process of disordered thinking, I have to remind myself so often that it is what it exactly is; disordered thinking. Me being of sound mind (somewhat) would have so many issues if I was in such a state that I mentioned above, but these people....don't. What makes me feel so sad in this regard is that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I as one person cannot do a thing. It makes me feel sad, and very, very powerless.
One of the most fundamental truths about working where I do is that you cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. Period. You will waste your time, your breath, and your effort. You invest into the wellness of your entire self as much as you want to invest. There comes a point in one's life where you have to decide when you are willing to take that first step to becoming well. Some never decide to start that first step, and so they spend the rest of their lives being ill. Perhaps it's because they're in denial or they just do not know where to begin. I don't know why, but all I know to do is keep fighting the every day battles, even if there's no chance at all the war will be won.
Some of the patients I have encountered are basically where I work, for a lack of a better word, to hide out. They're hiding out from going to jail, hiding out from the court system, hiding out from paying child support or other legal costs, hiding out from their PO's, hiding out because they've literally lost everything, or hiding out because they're homeless and have nowhere to call home. The DSM-V has a diagnosis for this, malingering, and it is one of the saddest processes of disordered thinking I have ever worked with. Because that's all I know how to feel when I encounter individuals as such. All weekend long, I was thinking to myself; if I was ever in a place in my life where I was seeking solace in a psychiatric hospital, I would be doing some serious self-inventorying. I would be on my knees at every moment of free time I had, begging for God to change these circumstances I was in. That's normally not what I witness at all; on the contrary actually. In fact, some of these folks I've encountered seem perfectly contented to stay where I work for days, even weeks, without making any real concrete effort to change their circumstances. It just goes to show you though that even though I find myself frustrated with this process of disordered thinking, I have to remind myself so often that it is what it exactly is; disordered thinking. Me being of sound mind (somewhat) would have so many issues if I was in such a state that I mentioned above, but these people....don't. What makes me feel so sad in this regard is that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I as one person cannot do a thing. It makes me feel sad, and very, very powerless.
One of the most fundamental truths about working where I do is that you cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. Period. You will waste your time, your breath, and your effort. You invest into the wellness of your entire self as much as you want to invest. There comes a point in one's life where you have to decide when you are willing to take that first step to becoming well. Some never decide to start that first step, and so they spend the rest of their lives being ill. Perhaps it's because they're in denial or they just do not know where to begin. I don't know why, but all I know to do is keep fighting the every day battles, even if there's no chance at all the war will be won.
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