When you have to wait
It's been a while since I've been on here. A lot of things have been going on; good things, yes, but still. Lots. I'm still on the hunt for a new job position, and I'm hoping to here something soon. I've had 3 interviews; one at a rehab hospital a couple of weeks ago, one at a substance abuse residential program a week ago today and one doing CF research last Thursday. I have still yet to hear something from any of the above, but I forsee I will be making some phone calls within the next day or two. I'm not discouraged by any means, just a bit antsy. Quite a bit antsy. I know that something better for me is out there; it's just a matter of time waiting for it to happen. In the meantime, what am I doing about my current circumstances?
This past weekend was pretty incredible. An old friend came through my neck of the woods on the way to Colorado to essentially start over after working a dead end job for the last couple of years. I plan on visiting him in September, so I am really looking forward to that! On top of that, my sister's boyfriend got baptized on Sunday, which is an experience I am so incredibly grateful I got to witness. The baptism was during a worship service at his church, and the service was just....so unbelievably moving and unlike anything I have ever experienced personally. I realized that for the past few weeks, my attitude and my heart at work have not been at all reflective of a caring, kind and loving God. Yes, I was very kind towards my patients and co workers as always, but on the inside I was carrying around a lot of ugliness, resentment and bitterness. It was during a prayer on Sunday; "Jesus, help my unbelief," where I realized that my attitude had to change, otherwise I'd be teetering down a road of self-destruction. I realized that by harboring all this junk on the inside, what if I missed an opportunity to be an effective witness? What if I missed out on something really great just by being angry and yucky on the inside? Yesterday, though it wasn't the greatest day, my attitude was different. There's always a choice, and for a while I was choosing to just be in the slumps and miserable. It doesn't have to be that way, because I know the circumstances aren't going to last.
I don't know how much longer the circumstances are going to last. However, I do know that there is a God I know and love that is greater than all of this. And sometimes, like when I tell my patients it's not time for a medication yet, God is telling me it's not time to go yet. It's ok to make someone wait; the world isn't going to end. I'll be ok, and I know my time will come.
When the night is holding onto me, God is holding on.
This past weekend was pretty incredible. An old friend came through my neck of the woods on the way to Colorado to essentially start over after working a dead end job for the last couple of years. I plan on visiting him in September, so I am really looking forward to that! On top of that, my sister's boyfriend got baptized on Sunday, which is an experience I am so incredibly grateful I got to witness. The baptism was during a worship service at his church, and the service was just....so unbelievably moving and unlike anything I have ever experienced personally. I realized that for the past few weeks, my attitude and my heart at work have not been at all reflective of a caring, kind and loving God. Yes, I was very kind towards my patients and co workers as always, but on the inside I was carrying around a lot of ugliness, resentment and bitterness. It was during a prayer on Sunday; "Jesus, help my unbelief," where I realized that my attitude had to change, otherwise I'd be teetering down a road of self-destruction. I realized that by harboring all this junk on the inside, what if I missed an opportunity to be an effective witness? What if I missed out on something really great just by being angry and yucky on the inside? Yesterday, though it wasn't the greatest day, my attitude was different. There's always a choice, and for a while I was choosing to just be in the slumps and miserable. It doesn't have to be that way, because I know the circumstances aren't going to last.
I don't know how much longer the circumstances are going to last. However, I do know that there is a God I know and love that is greater than all of this. And sometimes, like when I tell my patients it's not time for a medication yet, God is telling me it's not time to go yet. It's ok to make someone wait; the world isn't going to end. I'll be ok, and I know my time will come.
When the night is holding onto me, God is holding on.
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