Walking away

One time, I had this patient who was a diabetic and was started on fingersticks and sliding scale insulin three times a day. I checked their sugar before dinner, and it was a bit high. Not emergency high, but a bit high for my liking. I noticed they had refused their insulin for the entire day and so I knew chances are they were going to refuse it for me. Sure enough, when I told them they needed some insulin coverage, they said they didn't take insulin at home and there was "no way in hell they were going to start now." Now usually we have to try and convince their patients to take their medicines, like a couple of times. But I was pretty convinced right then and there that I was not going to change their mind. Another time I was on the older folks unit, and this patient promised they would take their night meds for me. I bring them out, and they flat out refuse. I reiterate the promise they made me, and they looked me in the eye and said "you wanna fight?" So I nodded, said it was their choice, and walked away. Sometimes, that's for the best. Sometimes, when you put your all in a situation, or in my case someone's life and they keep walking away, then perhaps its time you follow suit and do the same. Yes. I'm a nurse, but I'm a human being too. I've been in love, made friends and lost friends, and most recently...had my heart broken...in a sense. I feel that I have a right to delve into my personal life as well, just a bit.

A few months after I started my job, I met this guy. We hit it off pretty quickly in my opinion and became pretty good friends. We worked well together, joked around and cut up a lot but still got our work done. He has since left where I work to do some pretty incredible things, and we kept in touch for a while. I made myself pretty clear where we stood before he left. For reasons that I'm not sure of though, we've fallen out of touch. I've tried several times to get back in touch, but each time returning with nothing. This made me really mad and frustrated; I cried a lot, prayed that God would just do something and had countless rants with my sister. But today? Right now? Nothing. Sure, it hurts a bit and I'm more frustrated than anything, but you know. Promises are made, and promises get broken. That's just part of life. I think what hurts the most is not the zero return attempts, rather the loss at what could have been, which I think would have been something pretty incredible and awesome. Is there a chance that could happen in the future? Possibly, but I'll definitely think twice before I go down this road again.

I've learned from many experiences in my life how to better care for my patients and to be a better nurse. My work place frowns upon sharing personal stories with patients, but if the situation deems it appropriate and therapeutic, then it's upon our judgment to do so. I have before, quite a few times actually. I think it's important for my patients to know that I can relate to them, even if it's not exactly in the same way. Even though it's good for the patients, sometimes it's good for me too. I'll be ok. People are going to hurt you, piss you off, make you laugh, and challenge you, whether or not you're caring for them or not, and sometimes you have no choice but to just walk away. Whether it's your ex-husband or wife, or whether it's the broken fragments of a friendship that in your mind you checked out of a long time ago. Or if it's just most recently when you're trying to call a friend you haven't talked to in a while, just to see how things are going, and they hang up on you. Or if they're your patient and they won't take their life-saving medicine.