Nurses are people, too

I'm not going to lie. I'm really hurting right now. But not for anything that is going on in my life personally. Things for me are so great right now, seriously. I've been doing the new job thing for only two days and I am head over heels in love with it. There's been a few tiny bumps, mostly just with drama that comes with a high census, but it was easy to deal with. One of the good qualities I have with being a nurse is that when a patient hurts, I feel their hurt, regardless of whether or not I've ever experienced what they are telling me. Empathy is what they call it these days. It's also in my opinion something that is hard for me, because when they tell me their hurt or their experiences, sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I feel guilty because they are going through unimaginable hell and as for me, everything is hunky dory. All the while I write this, there are those I am close to that are going through their own unimaginable hell. Those I know that aren't patients, but my friends and family. Friends from school, work and church. And when I think about what they're going through, it just hurts me so much. Some of them are holding up well, others, well, it's to be expected how they're holding up. And there I go with that guilt.

Why are they going through this? They don't deserve this, at all. I'm asking and wondering these things because I'm feeling their hurt, doubt, fear, or uncertainty. You try to think of what you can do or say, anything, anything to make them feel better, but good intentions are just that. Good intentions. I can't even begin to imagine what they are actually thinking or feeling. I know that this is most likely irrational for me to think the way I do, but I've been this way for as long as I can remember. I've been through some rough times before, and even though nobody said or did much, just knowing there were those who loved and cared for me helped greatly. In this population, I've learned everyone is different. No two withdrawals are the same. Some of the patients I've talked to feel bad about what they have done to hurt their family and friends, others, no remorse. I hurt for those type of people's families, them too. Then I think of me right now, and the way things are going, which are great. But when I see all this hurt and pain from my loved ones, sometimes it's hard to be happy and joyous. I'm working on it, but I don't think it's just the nurse in me, it's the God in me. The Bible tells us that we ought to share one another's burdens. And I think it's ok to hurt for those who hurt, in fact I think it's very healthy. At least that's what I tell myself. After that, all we can do is hope that each day gets better, even if it's just a little bit better. I've included a few phrases at the end of this post from the Big Book, and I think they fit well.

Easy does it
First things first
One day at a time