Happy birthday blog (almost)

This past Sunday marked a journey that began 4 years ago; the day my nursing career begun, thus beginning this blog as well. Yesterday marked my 18-month "work-aversary" at where I currently work. As I wrote on Facebook yesterday, sometimes I wonder how in the world I ended up doing what I am doing now, and sometimes I have days where I'm like "I literally cannot do this for one more second. I'm done." When I've had those latter days, I go home at the end of the day and something usually happens in which God says "you wait just a minute. You are not done here yet and I am not done with you yet either." So here I am, 18 months later, still at it. And right now, things are good. Well, our acuity is still beserk but it's manageable. The patients we have right now actually want to be there and know they need help. Then there's some who I saw come in who are leaving this week, and I can tell that they are better. And they know they are too. I think that's what I enjoy the most about my job; seeing someone really sick come in, with that look in their eyes in which they know there is something going on in their heads that they can't explain, and then to seem them walk out a few days later down the road back to the way they were. Well...I don't know what they were like the way before, but you can sort of just tell.

I also wrote on Facebook yesterday that God has shown Himself to me in ways that are so funny, sometimes very sad, and also quite unusual. I see God in the nonverbal kiddo who beckons me to sit down, then decides to throw a blanket over me and excessively giggle. I see God in the patient who gives me a hug and says "I'm ready to go back home. Thank you for all you did for me." I see God in the patient who tells me "you are a hell of a nurse." I see God in that one patient who for some reason will only talk to you and say "seriously Kelly. You're my role model." There are so many more examples, but from this month these are the ones that stand out the most. 4 years ago, did I ever think I would end up here? Not even close. I had this deep and wide fantasy of moving to the Carolinas and working at this hospital that my family would drive by on our way to North Myrtle Beach, and when I saw it I would say "I'm going to work there." Funny where we end up sometimes, isn't it? But I remember that day 4 years ago, walking into the nursing home. I was so scared I was going to kill somebody or hurt somebody. I was talking to a friend of mine who just became a CNA not too long ago and she asked if having anxiety going into work was usual. I stated that after 18 months on the job it never does go away; it just gets easier to deal with. You learn to control it....somewhat better. The key isn't being calm it's looking it. I've been in situations in which I've had no idea what to do, but I faked it. This journey that I have been on....it's been a heck of a ride, and I can only imagine where else it will take me. Thank you all for joining me.