Mary Poppins
Conversation between me and pt. last night.
Pt: (yells something that I couldn't understand)
Me: Hun, you are standing 2 feet away from me. There is no need to yell.
Pt: But in Mary Poppins you're supposed to enunciate!!
Me: (paused for a bit). Well honey, this isn't Mary Poppins. We're in a hospital.
In my experience, you win some and you lose some. If you try to focus on winning everybody over though, it's not going to work and you'll end up getting burned out. Fast. Yes, my job requires growing a fair bit of backbone, because there are days when everyone is stable, fine and dandy and each patient looks out for each other. Then, for no reason or rhyme, one patient is pissed off at another, another is screaming at the top of their lungs at you for no reason and the milieu is all gone to hell and back again. It happens. I've worked on days like both scenarios describe. I'm coming up on my one year mark (already???!!!) and there have been so many times where I've wondered a, if I would even last this long, and b, does what I say or do make a lick of difference. I've had nights where I've literally begged God to find me another job, and then in the midst of the chaos of last night, there was a conversation between a patient and I last night in which God continues to tell me "stay right where you are."
I hadn't had much prior interaction with this patient but it started when she asked one staff member to take her down to her room. I wasn't busy so I volunteered to do so. This patient then went into great length about a discovery she had, and for confidentiality sake I won't reveal too much else of our conversation except for one part of it. She said that she felt judged at times because of sharing her faith. At that instant a light bulb clicked in my head. After she finished I told her that if she wanted to talk about Jesus to me that I would not persecute or judge her. We then talked about a few other things for a while; I ended up being in there for over half an hour, just talking and listening to this patient. Before I left the room to go on my break she said that there were people here that she felt safe talking to. "I can feel their inner light," she said. I asked how she knew people were safe to talk to. Her response? Gentleness. As I walked out, she said she was glad I was the one who brought her to her room. We shared an interest in the band for KING & COUNTRY and I told her when she left that her assignment was to listen to their song "Light it Up." She accepted.
I've had friends and people from church tell me that God speaks to them in these huge and amazing ways. Some people hear God to tell them to pack up everything they own and move across the world to become missionaries. Others hear God to tell them to give up their comfortable living and take a job that's closer but pays much less (like my sister). I feel like that God speaks to me mostly through music and through my job. God tells me His plan for me through patients like that one and through songs like Light it Up. Sometimes I wonder if it's really God or just me wanting/needing something from myself. But really, you'll know.
Pt: (yells something that I couldn't understand)
Me: Hun, you are standing 2 feet away from me. There is no need to yell.
Pt: But in Mary Poppins you're supposed to enunciate!!
Me: (paused for a bit). Well honey, this isn't Mary Poppins. We're in a hospital.
In my experience, you win some and you lose some. If you try to focus on winning everybody over though, it's not going to work and you'll end up getting burned out. Fast. Yes, my job requires growing a fair bit of backbone, because there are days when everyone is stable, fine and dandy and each patient looks out for each other. Then, for no reason or rhyme, one patient is pissed off at another, another is screaming at the top of their lungs at you for no reason and the milieu is all gone to hell and back again. It happens. I've worked on days like both scenarios describe. I'm coming up on my one year mark (already???!!!) and there have been so many times where I've wondered a, if I would even last this long, and b, does what I say or do make a lick of difference. I've had nights where I've literally begged God to find me another job, and then in the midst of the chaos of last night, there was a conversation between a patient and I last night in which God continues to tell me "stay right where you are."
I hadn't had much prior interaction with this patient but it started when she asked one staff member to take her down to her room. I wasn't busy so I volunteered to do so. This patient then went into great length about a discovery she had, and for confidentiality sake I won't reveal too much else of our conversation except for one part of it. She said that she felt judged at times because of sharing her faith. At that instant a light bulb clicked in my head. After she finished I told her that if she wanted to talk about Jesus to me that I would not persecute or judge her. We then talked about a few other things for a while; I ended up being in there for over half an hour, just talking and listening to this patient. Before I left the room to go on my break she said that there were people here that she felt safe talking to. "I can feel their inner light," she said. I asked how she knew people were safe to talk to. Her response? Gentleness. As I walked out, she said she was glad I was the one who brought her to her room. We shared an interest in the band for KING & COUNTRY and I told her when she left that her assignment was to listen to their song "Light it Up." She accepted.
I've had friends and people from church tell me that God speaks to them in these huge and amazing ways. Some people hear God to tell them to pack up everything they own and move across the world to become missionaries. Others hear God to tell them to give up their comfortable living and take a job that's closer but pays much less (like my sister). I feel like that God speaks to me mostly through music and through my job. God tells me His plan for me through patients like that one and through songs like Light it Up. Sometimes I wonder if it's really God or just me wanting/needing something from myself. But really, you'll know.
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