Running into brick walls

That's how I can accurately describe the last few days. It's been up, down up and down and up and down with a few swirls, twirls and whirls thrown in there too. It started last week when there was an opening on the unit I really want to eventually work. It was a perfect opportunity; part time, 2nd shift, except I'd have to give up ReFit, but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make. Under the impression I still had a chance, I applied for it. Come to find out a few days later, the application in my box with a note saying "position already filled." Well, shucks. Then today. Was supposed to go into work to get re-certified in CPR. Got up early, drove up there and was ready to go. Come to find out that there were too many people there, so I got sent home. That for me was the final nail in the coffin. 

I stewed and stewed in this anger for most of the drive home, so many thoughts racing in my head. How am I supposed to build up my career if I don't know about any opportunities to do so? What's the point of even trying to apply for such vacancies if they're already filled? How am I supposed to build as a nurse if I'm constantly working as a tech? Better yet, build up experience in my unit if I'm not even working on my unit? Why has my friend who is 3,000 miles away doing awesome things suddenly become MIA and I haven't heard from him in almost a month? Over and over and over like a record stuck on repeat. But then, something happened. I was listening to the radio and this news agent came on and was talking about the 3 trending news stories for that particular hour; it was about 8:30 this morning. The first story was about the Ebola virus and the fact that it is continuing to spread and claim lives, including a young physician who had just finished his residency. The second one was about some sort of house fire, if I remember correctly. I don't remember the third one, but it wasn't about something happy. And then I felt like a jerk. Here I am, complaining to God and to myself about my stupid problems and all of this is going on in the world around me. It's sad and awful. And now I'm thinking about the sermon from Sunday at church; when I die and go to Heaven (hopefully) all this stupid stuff I was pissed off and frustrated about isn't going to even matter. So I prayed and talked to God for a bit as I drove home. 

Now yes, there is a point to all of this mumbo jumbo. It's ok to feel frustrated and angry at times about circumstances that are going on in your life, a loved one's life, etc. But perhaps sometimes all we need, all I need, is a bit of perspective. I tell myself when I'm faced with a crazy night that not every night is like this, hence the reason I keep showing up for work. Not every patient I encounter bites the hand that feeds me, but not every patient is going to take my hand when I offer it. It's just the way it goes. It's pretty late at night now, and I'm not angry anymore. Still a bit frustrated, but there's nothing I can do about it. Even if I could do something about it, it's not going to change what has already happened. Tomorrow is a new day; a new day for me to start over and forget the petty things and dumb things that in a few days weeks or month's time won't even count for a hill of beans. Or however that analogy goes; I'm still young, please forgive me. God has a bigger and better purpose and plan for me, and I know for sure it's not getting bent out of shape over dumb things. He's better than all of that, and He's made me better than that. Time to let it go and let Him.