Late(ish) night thoughts about getting through...and ER...and other things.
It's Thursday night on the 24th of July, 9:42 PM. I'm nowhere near sleepy, since my body is used to being up late. Curse of the evening shift worker. In light of today's events (my sis being offered an AmeriCorp VISTA position today) I have found myself reminiscent of days past, mostly my nursing school days. There were a lot of things that got me through that time; constant prayer, a lot of tears, Whose Line is it Anyway, Frasier, those brave Hobbits from The Shire, the constant support and encouragement from my sister, family and church family, A LOT of faith and trust in God. But the TV show ER got me through a lot too. Even though it's not real, obviously, the stories and some of the episodes helped remind me of a greater purpose. My greater purpose.
There are SO many episodes that I love and could watch over and over again, and I find myself watching the show on a binge at least once a year. And tonight I think I may restart that binge....perhaps only for a short time. There's one episode in particular though that I revisit often. One of the characters I most identify with is Morris. He's a young resident, sometimes quite full of himself, but as the underdog comes out in this one, titled Jigsaw. I won't reveal too much of the details, but what I love is that Morris has a feeling that something about a particular patient...just doesn't seem right. Something doesn't seem to add up, and he doesn't ignore that nagging feeling. He even takes it to his attending physician, who without coming right out and saying it basically says "dude, you're crazy." I have several friends who are still in nursing school, and one of the things I always tell them is that the real world is scary but a lot more fun. However, the minute you have an instinct that something isn't right, don't ignore it. Do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of it. For me...I think of this one patient. Two doctors thought it was just DT's from benzos, but I knew in my head it wasn't. I, along with another nurse, got the supervisor in on it, and this patient received the help that was needed. Turns out, little did we know that this patient ended up being in acute renal failure. Could have died. And to think, that would have been on us. Let me tell you, the minute you ignore that feeling could mean someone's life. Well, perhaps not to that extreme, but still.
Maybe that nagging feeling I had was God. Or maybe it was my nursing judgment muscles being stretched. I'd like to think it was the best of both worlds. Unfortunately, I do not know the outcome of this patient. There is a point to all of this rambling, I promise, and it's this. Times suck sometimes, to be blunt, and we all draw our strength from various sources. I draw mine from God and different avenues and people He has put in my life. I am thankful for Him and my escapes, because let's face it, that's what they are. We like what we like for a reason, or at least that's what I believe. I love God because He's good. He's there for me. He loves me no matter what I do or say, and nothing's ever going to change that. His own Son died for ME, someone like me who does not deserve what He has freely given me. If that's not love, then what is? I like the TV shows I watch and the books I read because they give me hope. They encourage me, and to be fair they're just good stories. I connect with the characters in one way, shape or form. I love the people in my life for the same reasons, because they're there for me, we enjoy each other's company, we have actual intelligent conversations (most of the time) and they're understanding of the fact that I can't see them or talk to them every day because our lives are busy. And they're cool with that and vice versa! And I love my job for so many reasons, but mostly because I love my patients. They're why I do what I do, even if I can't do much for them. I learn about them, and I pick up when things don't seem right, like Morris. Ok, it's now 10:06, and I'm starting to yawn and get a bit sleepy, but I know if I lie down in bed I won't be able to sleep yet. Again, curse of the evening shift. Time to relax for a bit, perhaps watch that ER I mentioned. In fact, I think I will.
There are SO many episodes that I love and could watch over and over again, and I find myself watching the show on a binge at least once a year. And tonight I think I may restart that binge....perhaps only for a short time. There's one episode in particular though that I revisit often. One of the characters I most identify with is Morris. He's a young resident, sometimes quite full of himself, but as the underdog comes out in this one, titled Jigsaw. I won't reveal too much of the details, but what I love is that Morris has a feeling that something about a particular patient...just doesn't seem right. Something doesn't seem to add up, and he doesn't ignore that nagging feeling. He even takes it to his attending physician, who without coming right out and saying it basically says "dude, you're crazy." I have several friends who are still in nursing school, and one of the things I always tell them is that the real world is scary but a lot more fun. However, the minute you have an instinct that something isn't right, don't ignore it. Do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of it. For me...I think of this one patient. Two doctors thought it was just DT's from benzos, but I knew in my head it wasn't. I, along with another nurse, got the supervisor in on it, and this patient received the help that was needed. Turns out, little did we know that this patient ended up being in acute renal failure. Could have died. And to think, that would have been on us. Let me tell you, the minute you ignore that feeling could mean someone's life. Well, perhaps not to that extreme, but still.
Maybe that nagging feeling I had was God. Or maybe it was my nursing judgment muscles being stretched. I'd like to think it was the best of both worlds. Unfortunately, I do not know the outcome of this patient. There is a point to all of this rambling, I promise, and it's this. Times suck sometimes, to be blunt, and we all draw our strength from various sources. I draw mine from God and different avenues and people He has put in my life. I am thankful for Him and my escapes, because let's face it, that's what they are. We like what we like for a reason, or at least that's what I believe. I love God because He's good. He's there for me. He loves me no matter what I do or say, and nothing's ever going to change that. His own Son died for ME, someone like me who does not deserve what He has freely given me. If that's not love, then what is? I like the TV shows I watch and the books I read because they give me hope. They encourage me, and to be fair they're just good stories. I connect with the characters in one way, shape or form. I love the people in my life for the same reasons, because they're there for me, we enjoy each other's company, we have actual intelligent conversations (most of the time) and they're understanding of the fact that I can't see them or talk to them every day because our lives are busy. And they're cool with that and vice versa! And I love my job for so many reasons, but mostly because I love my patients. They're why I do what I do, even if I can't do much for them. I learn about them, and I pick up when things don't seem right, like Morris. Ok, it's now 10:06, and I'm starting to yawn and get a bit sleepy, but I know if I lie down in bed I won't be able to sleep yet. Again, curse of the evening shift. Time to relax for a bit, perhaps watch that ER I mentioned. In fact, I think I will.
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