Weebly wobbly timey wimey; how fast it goes and how it has changed in 365 days
One year ago today, I walked across the stage of Berea College and received my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I braved the chilly weather and the pouring rain, happy for the day I got to celebrate hard work well done. But the time in between then and now was not was I expected it to be. I honestly thought I would pass the boards and land a job in a short amount of time. Little did I know that God had other plans for me.
The time in between...God brought me through a lot of ugliness. That's the word I'm choosing to use to describe it. I experienced deep anger, frustration, worry, doubt and perhaps a bit of depression. When I received rejection after rejection after rejection, I began to wonder. Wonder if I chose the right career path, wonder if I would ever find a job, wonder how I would make ends meet, as my sister was working 2 jobs at the time to do just that. Some days I would wake up and lie in bed, not wanting to get up and face another day of not knowing or another "We regret to inform you..." But then my dream job had some openings, so I took a chance. In my mind was "yeah right, they'll never hire me." I interviewed and waited. And waited. And waited some more. While waiting I had another job interview in the bag and another one scheduled. Then I got the call that would ultimately change my life; my dream job was right there for me if I chose to take it. I almost said no, because I thought it seemed too good to be true.
So now I've entered the working world, which wasn't what I thought it would be. I drove home, crying and praying that God would give me another job because I was unhappy. A week into the job, I had my first patient yell and scream at me for no reason. Couldn't handle that. I've been written up for a mistake I was sure I would never make, but nobody was hurt or died. I was angry again because why would God give me my dream and have something like that happen? But then He showed me a good day. Then another. And another. Now almost 9 months in and I have had so many good days. Yes I've had a few bad days, but the good far exceeds any bad day. I have been blessed to hold the hand of a crying patient, to hug a discharged patient as they thanked me for all I did, to kneel down on the floor of a screaming child when I was called to a code to hear them yell "I want to go home," and I've learned. So much. About the nursing field, myself, mental illness, new medications, how to communicate with patients, doctors and my colleagues, and I've grown. I've grown as a nurse, a person, a Christian, but most importantly I've grown to love. Even more. I've listened when no one else would. I've laughed with patients, cried with patients, seen those walk out the door and thought of some "I will never see them again; they'll be just fine" and thought of others "they'll be back soon." I've refused to give into the stigmas of nurses being "corrupt" or "burned out" by giving myself time to take a break, to talk to co workers when I'm stressed or frustrated and by only being part time. I really do love only working 3 days a week 8 hours at a time. No I'm not looking for a new job. Being part time gives me time away from work so I can continue to spend time with my family and friends and to continue to be a part of their lives. I am so happy that I am doing not only what I love, but what God has intended for me to do all along. I hope to stay where I am as long as they'll have me. 365 days sure does go by fast.
The time in between...God brought me through a lot of ugliness. That's the word I'm choosing to use to describe it. I experienced deep anger, frustration, worry, doubt and perhaps a bit of depression. When I received rejection after rejection after rejection, I began to wonder. Wonder if I chose the right career path, wonder if I would ever find a job, wonder how I would make ends meet, as my sister was working 2 jobs at the time to do just that. Some days I would wake up and lie in bed, not wanting to get up and face another day of not knowing or another "We regret to inform you..." But then my dream job had some openings, so I took a chance. In my mind was "yeah right, they'll never hire me." I interviewed and waited. And waited. And waited some more. While waiting I had another job interview in the bag and another one scheduled. Then I got the call that would ultimately change my life; my dream job was right there for me if I chose to take it. I almost said no, because I thought it seemed too good to be true.
So now I've entered the working world, which wasn't what I thought it would be. I drove home, crying and praying that God would give me another job because I was unhappy. A week into the job, I had my first patient yell and scream at me for no reason. Couldn't handle that. I've been written up for a mistake I was sure I would never make, but nobody was hurt or died. I was angry again because why would God give me my dream and have something like that happen? But then He showed me a good day. Then another. And another. Now almost 9 months in and I have had so many good days. Yes I've had a few bad days, but the good far exceeds any bad day. I have been blessed to hold the hand of a crying patient, to hug a discharged patient as they thanked me for all I did, to kneel down on the floor of a screaming child when I was called to a code to hear them yell "I want to go home," and I've learned. So much. About the nursing field, myself, mental illness, new medications, how to communicate with patients, doctors and my colleagues, and I've grown. I've grown as a nurse, a person, a Christian, but most importantly I've grown to love. Even more. I've listened when no one else would. I've laughed with patients, cried with patients, seen those walk out the door and thought of some "I will never see them again; they'll be just fine" and thought of others "they'll be back soon." I've refused to give into the stigmas of nurses being "corrupt" or "burned out" by giving myself time to take a break, to talk to co workers when I'm stressed or frustrated and by only being part time. I really do love only working 3 days a week 8 hours at a time. No I'm not looking for a new job. Being part time gives me time away from work so I can continue to spend time with my family and friends and to continue to be a part of their lives. I am so happy that I am doing not only what I love, but what God has intended for me to do all along. I hope to stay where I am as long as they'll have me. 365 days sure does go by fast.
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