Loser

The title of this post revolves around a conversation I had with a co worker last night. It was near the end of the shift and we were just shooting the breeze about our lives and what we have done. There's much more to the conversation but I'm going to give you all the abridged version. This co worker asked me if I had ever "gone out partying." I chuckled and asked for clarification because I already knew that our definitions were different, but I got the jist of it. I said that once when abroad I had tried the whole "party scene" and that it wasn't really my thing, which is true. I would MUCH rather stay in than go out all night in a loud place and drink myself silly. He then replied in a jokingly manner "why don't you try and live a little? You're such a loser." I smiled and said "well, I am alive. And if that's what I have to do to be a winner, then I'll keep being a loser." The conversation ended. A few weeks ago, I was working on another unit when I passed another co worker as I was going on my break. I stated my shift was going well and the nurse I was working with apologized for the large amount of swearing that had occurred. I said it wasn't a big deal. Both then jokingly said they were trying to "corrupt" me. I wasn't offended by any means, it just made me think.

I'm happy with my life. I'm not proud of some of the things I've done in the past, but bygones will be bygones. One of these things I am not proud of is this excessive need to fit in. Yes, even as an adult those feelings don't go away. Heck, throw yourself in a new job as a newbie surrounded by individuals with wells of experience and knowledge. That was me. That IS me. I am so thankful and blessed to work alongside awesome co workers who not only help me out when I need it but truly know their stuff and are so willing to share their knowledge with me. But I've had to learn and relearn over and over that I don't have to be like these people to get their respect. I've earned it, as they have earned it with me. I am my own person and I have my own identity based on what I do...or don't do. I'm not a hermit, "sheltered" or a shut-in; I just happen to like different things. I don't want to be "corrupt." I don't want to be a winner if that's what I have to do. I'm going to be the best with what God has given me, and that's all I or anyone else can do. I hope that this provides some encouragement to someone who needs to hear it. In the end, nobody else's opinion is going to matter. I along with everyone else will have to face God one day, and I truly believe that His opinion and judgment of me is all that matters. And I want Him to be proud of the life that I have lived, because I want my life to be good and pleasing to Him. This is why I do what I do. I am who I am because of Him. That's it. I respect differences of opinion, and I will respect yours. All I ask is that the same respect is given to me and everyone else you may encounter.