When you're at the end of your rope...
...what do you do? Just think about that for a while.
I've worked a few extra shifts this past week; third shift on Sunday night, my regular shift on Monday, and worked 11-3 on the Chemical Dependency unit yesterday AND my regular shift. But I got to leave early yesterday since our census is low again. Oy. It's been an up and down week; calling a code lock down, a patient cussing at me (and everyone else), a good old incident report, laughing with co-workers at the end of a crazy shift and couch crashing at a friend's house in between shifts. Ahhhh. But after one brief interaction with a patient and now I am writing this post in hopes to share some of my insight. I'm going to throw out a disclaimer; I do not have all the answers. I apologize to those who may find this post and my thoughts a bit blunt. I mentioned in my previous post that I had a patient come up to me last week asking for prayer. She made the same request on Monday, which I happily obliged. Yesterday she thanked me for praying, yet I noticed her attitude and affect hadn't changed at all; still flat and seemingly hopeless. Yet other patients told me they had seen her smiling and conversing more with peers, so I don't know what's really going on. Now I understand that depression is a mental illness and that it is real. I understand that. I get that. So I will go back to my original question; what do you do? Tie a knot and hang on? Ask others to think of you? Give up and let go?
I found myself thinking of the situation I found myself in just a few short months ago. Out of school, a fresh new degree hanging up on the wall with invisible blood stains on it (haha) but so far nothing to show for it. I was very down for a long time, searching and yearning for a way out. The situation seemed hopeless for me. I posted plea after plea on Facebook asking for encouragement and prayer. I wrote in my journal on timeless occasions asking for something. Yet every day when I woke up, I didn't change anything about me. I was thankful for the encouragement that I did receive and it made me comforted knowing that I had an array of support. I had God and so many others working on my behalf, yet deep down I did nothing. I was still angry and discouraged because I didn't see any change in the time frame I wanted to see the change. It's like preparing a meal; you get all the stuff ready and turn the stove on but if you don't stir the pot it's all going to stick. Nothing's going to happen. You can ask someone to stir it for you, but eventually you have to take back over that responsibility. I encounter so many patients who are down for whatever reason and are convinced that nothing is going to change. They are so down that they're hopeless and they just lose the will to hope. It's sad but at the same time it's also frustrating. I do my absolute best to encourage these patients when I see them, but sometimes I wonder if my positive affect and words fall on deaf ears? I don't know, but I don't stop trying. Ever. I try to give them hope and encouragement because I myself have found a hope in Christ! Ok, I'll get off my soap box now. Just think about it though. If you're going through a rough patch or two and you ask someone to think about you, take heart when they tell you that they do and they are. Be encouraged by it; eventually the light will turn back on.
I've worked a few extra shifts this past week; third shift on Sunday night, my regular shift on Monday, and worked 11-3 on the Chemical Dependency unit yesterday AND my regular shift. But I got to leave early yesterday since our census is low again. Oy. It's been an up and down week; calling a code lock down, a patient cussing at me (and everyone else), a good old incident report, laughing with co-workers at the end of a crazy shift and couch crashing at a friend's house in between shifts. Ahhhh. But after one brief interaction with a patient and now I am writing this post in hopes to share some of my insight. I'm going to throw out a disclaimer; I do not have all the answers. I apologize to those who may find this post and my thoughts a bit blunt. I mentioned in my previous post that I had a patient come up to me last week asking for prayer. She made the same request on Monday, which I happily obliged. Yesterday she thanked me for praying, yet I noticed her attitude and affect hadn't changed at all; still flat and seemingly hopeless. Yet other patients told me they had seen her smiling and conversing more with peers, so I don't know what's really going on. Now I understand that depression is a mental illness and that it is real. I understand that. I get that. So I will go back to my original question; what do you do? Tie a knot and hang on? Ask others to think of you? Give up and let go?
I found myself thinking of the situation I found myself in just a few short months ago. Out of school, a fresh new degree hanging up on the wall with invisible blood stains on it (haha) but so far nothing to show for it. I was very down for a long time, searching and yearning for a way out. The situation seemed hopeless for me. I posted plea after plea on Facebook asking for encouragement and prayer. I wrote in my journal on timeless occasions asking for something. Yet every day when I woke up, I didn't change anything about me. I was thankful for the encouragement that I did receive and it made me comforted knowing that I had an array of support. I had God and so many others working on my behalf, yet deep down I did nothing. I was still angry and discouraged because I didn't see any change in the time frame I wanted to see the change. It's like preparing a meal; you get all the stuff ready and turn the stove on but if you don't stir the pot it's all going to stick. Nothing's going to happen. You can ask someone to stir it for you, but eventually you have to take back over that responsibility. I encounter so many patients who are down for whatever reason and are convinced that nothing is going to change. They are so down that they're hopeless and they just lose the will to hope. It's sad but at the same time it's also frustrating. I do my absolute best to encourage these patients when I see them, but sometimes I wonder if my positive affect and words fall on deaf ears? I don't know, but I don't stop trying. Ever. I try to give them hope and encouragement because I myself have found a hope in Christ! Ok, I'll get off my soap box now. Just think about it though. If you're going through a rough patch or two and you ask someone to think about you, take heart when they tell you that they do and they are. Be encouraged by it; eventually the light will turn back on.
You're right to never stop trying - positivity wins out every time :)
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