Between a rock and a hard place

I posted this on my Facebook this morning:

If Frodo carried the Ring to Mordor, Harry defeated Vold...ahem, You-Know-Who, Bilbo leave The Shire to go on an adventure, and if God watched His only Son die on a cross, then I can keep the faith. Times are unsure and sort of difficult right now, but God has a plan for me and I have to trust that in His time that plan will be revealed.

Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought. 11 weeks in 2 days since I've been out of school. I'm starting to get an eerie inkling that I'm going to soon be back at square one. In this past week alone, I have made half a dozen phone calls to The Ridge, wondering whether or not I've been given a position...ANY position there. I also called Clark Regional on Wednesday, as I interviewed there 3 weeks ago today. None of my phone calls have been returned thus far, and another week is about to conclude. It seems to me that there is a strange assumption that employers think that prospective job candidates can sit and wait for months and months as to whether or not they have a job waiting for them.

THEY CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am about at my last tether with this facility. Every time I have made a call I have expressed that I am still interested in working there. Today's consecutive voice mail to the HR director was no different, coupled with the fact that I CANNOT SIT AROUND AND WAIT much longer for something to open up. I often wonder what individuals in this sort of job description do all day. How difficult is it really to return just one phone call? On Monday I believe I will be calling the director, CEO, whatever; somebody higher in the food chain and making a formal, yet professional complaint. I do not believe I am asking for much. I mean, I understand things get crazy and things come up; I'm not a crazy irrational human being. I'm just an RN who WANTS to start working. I WANT TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've earned it and I deserve it! I have bills and rent to pay and student loans coming up that I will have to pay. I can't keep asking my parents for money to cover my expenses. I just don't know what else to do. My faith...is waning. I can feel it. I'm trying to be strong, but it gets discouraging when you receive more rejection emails than interviews in a week. I am trying so hard to hear God's voice and God's plan, but for now I can't. I can think of every dark time in my life and see something positive come out of it. Not this time. I'm drawing up blanks. I guess why my faith is waning is because I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, at least not yet. I pray that God would use me in whatever way seems fit. As a result of not having a job, I've decided I'm going to give myself until the end of this month to find a Nursing position, otherwise I'm going to do one of two options: either seek non-nursing work wherever I can find it or to return to Ohio for a short amount of time until I get back on my feet.

I'm angry. I am so unbelievably angry. Not at God, but at the circumstances. I just wish somebody in the working nursing world would give me a chance. Every day I wake up and pray "maybe this will be the day when I hear something" or "maybe today will be the day I get a returned phone call." Yet despite all these feelings I am experiencing right now, there's a still small voice in the back of my head, clinging to a small shred of hope. There's always hope.

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