Loss: A real-life example of how to deal with it.

My hope is that today's post can shed some light and perspective on a rather difficult subject. We've all lost someone in our lives due to death; a family member, friend, pet, etc. But what about loss from something else? Over the past week or so, I started noticing some old trends with a friendship of mine; these trends usually do not end well. Instead of my normal reaction to...react, I didn't. I didn't offer any rebuttal phone calls, texts, or a reply to the Facebook message that was posted. I broke the cycle. All that has been said has been said and all that has been done has been done. I'm not hurt, angry, or bitter, because the good times we had were in fact very very good. What does sting a little was the way that I found out the end of the friendship. I thought that we had reached a point of being able to talk about such issues. That was not the case though.

In nursing school, I was taught all the tips and tricks for how to help someone cope with a loss. I learned from my recent experience that sometimes the most powerful response is to say or do nothing. That's what's expected; a reaction, a word, a phrase, a hug or a handshake when a loss happens. Sometimes when I'm angry or upset, my sister, God love her, tries to talk to me and gives me advice. I don't mind that at all, because my sister is my voice of reason to be completely honest. But sometimes, I don't want advice, I just want...silence. It's hard, because like I said, when someone tells you something sad...or hurtful, it's almost reflexive to dive in and say something. But what kind of message are you sending when nothing is said? The message I hope I was trying to send was...ok. If this is what you have to do then do it. I support you. Then in a loss, the what-if games and guessing games start. If I didn't say those awful things to Pappy then he'd still be alive. What if I didn't tell my wife I loved her more? Maybe I didn't call or text enough. Maybe I didn't listen enough. Maybe I didn't do enough to try and preserve the friendship. These thoughts can be maddening! I thought these things....for a bit, but then. I let them go. Because then I wondered; would calling or texting "more" have made a difference? Would trying to "be better" have made a difference? Would we still be friends today? I don't know. There's no point in dwelling on those things anymore, because like I said earlier, it's all been said and it's all been done. 

8 weeks out of school, and I can see a change in me. I've grown up a lot. Things I used to do or say I don't anymore. I don't hold grudges. I don't wish ill-will towards those who have wronged me in the past. Why? Because there's no point! Trust me, in school, I put up with a lot of reprimands and lectures from professors, clinical instructors, preceptors, and myself. Nursing school toughened me up; taught me to let things roll off, but not without learning a valuable lesson in the process. And what have I learned? God has made me a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. He put me through this tough academic rigor so that I would come out a wiser and stronger person. He put me through nursing school with lessons to help me not only in the hospitals but at home too. I have no regrets; I was prepared for whatever consequences may have come when I decided over five years ago to enroll as a freshman at Berea. Now did I know this would happen? Again, there is no way of knowing. However, I'm finished with school now, and I'm thankful that I left Berea College a better person.