The first week: "how will I know when the crap hits the fan?"
I have officially started my 240 hour preceptorship! In fact, this was my first week. I was on site Wednesday and yesterday, and yes as a matter of fact I am still standing upright! In the past 2 days I have learned so much and have started to gain rapport from some of the other staff members...only in 2 days! Wednesday was my first day on site; I met my preceptor and she showed me the ropes and I helped her care for her patients. I think what I like so much about where I am so far is that I have 2 patients!!! But she told me that yes we have 2 but we really have 10; that unit is like a family and everyone is so willing to help each other out. Yeah everyone pulls their own weight but everyone else is around to help pull it along if it gets a bit too heavy. Anyway, onto the madness! I had two patients I helped care for; one was on a vent and the other had a CVA who was about to be transferred to another floor. It was a bit overwhelming at first, considering last semester I was caring for babies and running around rural Kentucky. This...took some getting used to. I had never had a vent patient before and seeing all the tubes pumps and drips and hearing all the blips and beeps was a bit intimidating at first. I was surprised that soon I was able to get passed all that and focus on the fact that hey, there's a person underneath this problem...or sequelae of problems in this case. We can get so wrapped up in the fundamental skills but sometimes it's easy to forget the very remedial fact that it is a person (I do it too). A patient. It's something I'm going to try and work on as I continue to spend my 240 hours with these very sick patients. Off on a tangent again, I promise my thoughts will be more fluid. Or they'll just be more jumbled. But as the day went on I was asking my preceptor about different things that I could do and she said she was just really laid back...until the crap hits the fan. I asked how will I know when the crap hits the fan. And she just gave me this look. You all know when someone asks you "how do I know if he/she likes me?" What's the answer you most often get? Exactly.
Now onto yesterday, which was AWESOME! Had a few flubs, but it happens. Thank goodness my preceptor is so patient and that God is because otherwise I'd just be a hot mess. But I was given the opportunity to care for my own patient. He was transferred to the unit right before I left on Wednesday, so I was a little bit familiar with his history. And it was...a blessing. I really can't think of any other word than that. We talked, I did my thing, got one of the techs to help me with the TV (haha cause I'm short!), talked to some of his family, flubbed a bit and caused a Vancomycin waterfall; yeah, those "empty" IV bags to be replaced really aren't totally empty! Lesson learned, a wet floor and some wet shoes fixed that. But all in all it was a good day. My preceptor told me before I left "you did really good today." Honestly, I didn't feel particularly confident in the work I had done, but it was nice to hear that. It's a habit of mine to get so wrapped up in doing the best that I can so I don't let the college down. Or myself for that matter. As silly as it sounds I sometimes have this lingering thought that people are really watching what I'm doing and are like "gosh she's making THOSE kinds of mistakes." And it's hard because I want to do well, but I do have a confidence problem. I'm trying so hard to work on it, and some moments are easier than others. 99.9% of the time I perform a task and do just fine but then there's that 1% where it doesn't go quite right. Vanc spills on the floor, a patient flinched during a Lovenox injection and said it hurt, or just being unsure of what goes where in what IV port. And then I find myself thinking "why in the world do I keep making these mistakes?" Often times it's just nice to hear that my efforts are not in vain.
Then I remember what my preceptor told me on day 1: everybody was where you are. In my walk as a nursing student I feel that some nurses really do forget that. And it's not pleasant when you encounter someone like that. It brings you down. But then there's me with my preceptor who gives me the benefit of the doubt and tells me that I'm doing a good job even when I don't feel like it. And on the way home I felt it. I started to believe it. Things aren't always going to go right 100% of the time. If they go right 20% of the time then you're gold! But the crap hasn't hit the fan yet. We learn from our flaws and flubs and we are better people. Within 5 minutes of driving home I had completely forgotten all my tiny flubs and was reflecting on the positive relationship I had built with a very nice man who loved dogs. I started watching this Brit medical drama called Monroe. In the second episode of the 2nd season, he flubs during an operation (he's a neurosurgeon) and permanently cripples one of his patients. At the beginning of the 3rd episode he's presented with another case and freezes during the operation. By the end he gets his confidence back. I can't remember what exactly he says but something along the lines of he just preoccupied with messing up that it started to affect whether or not he could be a good neurosurgeon again. And the rest is history. I understand that it's a TV show, but I'm learning to not let fear of messing up affect the way I care for these patients. It's a learning process, and in my shoes you always have to be open to learning new things.
# of days completed: 2
# of hours to go: 216
Now onto yesterday, which was AWESOME! Had a few flubs, but it happens. Thank goodness my preceptor is so patient and that God is because otherwise I'd just be a hot mess. But I was given the opportunity to care for my own patient. He was transferred to the unit right before I left on Wednesday, so I was a little bit familiar with his history. And it was...a blessing. I really can't think of any other word than that. We talked, I did my thing, got one of the techs to help me with the TV (haha cause I'm short!), talked to some of his family, flubbed a bit and caused a Vancomycin waterfall; yeah, those "empty" IV bags to be replaced really aren't totally empty! Lesson learned, a wet floor and some wet shoes fixed that. But all in all it was a good day. My preceptor told me before I left "you did really good today." Honestly, I didn't feel particularly confident in the work I had done, but it was nice to hear that. It's a habit of mine to get so wrapped up in doing the best that I can so I don't let the college down. Or myself for that matter. As silly as it sounds I sometimes have this lingering thought that people are really watching what I'm doing and are like "gosh she's making THOSE kinds of mistakes." And it's hard because I want to do well, but I do have a confidence problem. I'm trying so hard to work on it, and some moments are easier than others. 99.9% of the time I perform a task and do just fine but then there's that 1% where it doesn't go quite right. Vanc spills on the floor, a patient flinched during a Lovenox injection and said it hurt, or just being unsure of what goes where in what IV port. And then I find myself thinking "why in the world do I keep making these mistakes?" Often times it's just nice to hear that my efforts are not in vain.
Then I remember what my preceptor told me on day 1: everybody was where you are. In my walk as a nursing student I feel that some nurses really do forget that. And it's not pleasant when you encounter someone like that. It brings you down. But then there's me with my preceptor who gives me the benefit of the doubt and tells me that I'm doing a good job even when I don't feel like it. And on the way home I felt it. I started to believe it. Things aren't always going to go right 100% of the time. If they go right 20% of the time then you're gold! But the crap hasn't hit the fan yet. We learn from our flaws and flubs and we are better people. Within 5 minutes of driving home I had completely forgotten all my tiny flubs and was reflecting on the positive relationship I had built with a very nice man who loved dogs. I started watching this Brit medical drama called Monroe. In the second episode of the 2nd season, he flubs during an operation (he's a neurosurgeon) and permanently cripples one of his patients. At the beginning of the 3rd episode he's presented with another case and freezes during the operation. By the end he gets his confidence back. I can't remember what exactly he says but something along the lines of he just preoccupied with messing up that it started to affect whether or not he could be a good neurosurgeon again. And the rest is history. I understand that it's a TV show, but I'm learning to not let fear of messing up affect the way I care for these patients. It's a learning process, and in my shoes you always have to be open to learning new things.
# of days completed: 2
# of hours to go: 216
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