I'm a mess

This theme was pertinent to the week that I had. Not that it was a bad week per say, but just...had a series of brain farts that I'm sure happen to the best of us at times. Guess it's just part of what makes us human. On Tuesday I was able to see another CP child; probably one of the worst cases of CP I've ever seen. It not only affects the child but I could see the strain it has put on the family as well. It was quite sad, but the last thing this family wanted was sympathy, so I treated this child as if she were just a normal child. I think that in children with conditions such as that we owe it to them to not pass judgment or to stare and whisper because they're just a little bit "different." Her life was literally taken one day at a time; a philosophy we as normal healthy individuals should take into practice.  It's a philosophy I'm trying to take into practice.

This moves me into Thursday. I was responsible for the care of a different patient, unlike the same one I had had for the past three weeks. A classmate of mine and I were assigned to the same nurse; my classmate this week was taking care of the patient I had had for the past three weeks. Upon hearing morning report, I heard she had endured devastating set backs. Just absolutely heartbreaking. A complete 180 of what I had seen to what my classmate had seen. The truth is we really don't know how unstable these patients can get when they're so sick. The patient I had was definitely an interesting one; it was one in which I had to literally do everything for this individual. His situation was a rather unfortunate one as well, one for the sake of confidentiality that I must not reveal. I think sometimes when we see a situation similar to his we just think "well no duh. Why would anyone ever do something like that?"

Having spent some time in mental health though, when people become dependent on...substances, they don't think about what they are doing while under the influence is wrong and stupid. It happens to health care providers too, anyway, completely way off topic now. I think though I am ready for a change off of this floor that I've been on; I think I'm getting too attached...hahaha, it's the sad truth. I went to bed on Thursday night and started crying because the nurses were saying that some of the patients on that floor were just in seemingly hopeless situations. For some of these patients, there is absolutely nothing else that can be done for them. They are in that part of the hospital because their insurance said "that's enough" and they need somewhere to go. They're not sick enough for hospice but too sick for a regular hospital. And it's...a mess. Life sometimes just takes so much out of you and you fight with all you have until there's nothing left. Then, your body just gives up and your mind tells you "it's time."

I guess what I'm trying to get out of this is that life is so precious. It's a lot more fragile than we thought, than I thought. These patients can be happy, interactive and close to their baseline and then weeks, days, hours, minutes later, completely digress. And you have to be ready. You have to be prepared for those sudden changes. You can't be a mess.